Eulogy for Jim Whitford
6 Mar, 2009 By: Marty Whitford
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| Jim Whitford, 47, my best buddy and oldest brother, went home to God Feb. 9. He was — and remains — one of my (and many others') greatest spiritual guides. Our Life Coach, Jim packed everything he could into the stream of life — with God, family, friends and service always at the top of his To Do list. We owe it to Jim to Laugh, LOVE and Live a little more each day. |
Jim
12/30/61 — 2/9/09
Jim didn’t write a goodbye letter like the one Dad penned that Jim so treasured. But Jim did write many other letters throughout his incredible life — letters that forever changed the lives of dozens of others for the better. Here are snapshots of just three such letters from Jim —outpourings of his huge heart:
Letter to Colleen Martin, his niece
“…My God and my Church never abandoned me. I just ceased to realize how much I needed them. …
As soon as I turned my troubles over to the care of God, they were removed one by one. As they were removed, my faith and trust in God grew. I prayed harder and things got better yet. There’s neither the time nor the space to share the countless gifts I’ve received since I started asking God for help. ...
Although I’m neither a saint, nor a holy roller, I can honestly tell you that my relationship with God is now the most-important aspect of my life, and because of that fact everything is working out just fine.”
Letter to Marty, his brother
“When I’m with you, I laugh and laugh and laugh, and all my troubles seem so far away. …
When Jamie was born, my heart broke for you. I did know, even then though, that God could not have chosen a more-capable father to raise this special angel of his. …
I never really talked much to Dad when he was alive. I don’t think either of us really knew how to. …
I talk to Dad now all of the time now in my morning prayers: ‘Dear Dad, please ask God to help me be a better son, a better brother, a better husband and a better father. Thank you, Dad, for sacrificing so much so that we would be well provided for.’
Then I thank God for the gift of Dad for so many years, and ask Him to reward Dad for his multiple sacrifices and give him peace and happiness. …
Dad looks down on you today, and he smiles! It’s a huge smile, because he’s so proud of the man you’ve become. He pulls people over and makes them look down at you: ‘Look at my son. Isn’t he incredible with those kids of his!’
Dad knows peace now because he doesn’t have to worry about any of us anymore. He knows happiness because his children have developed relationships with God — and that’s all I think Dad wanted from us. It’s clear from his letter. …
Please know I will do my utmost to help you in this endeavor and wherever else you need and request my help. Although I’m pretty sure we can’t help ourselves, I’m supremely confident that we can help each other. That’s one of the greatest paradoxes of this wonderful program.
As you progress, God will constantly reveal more to you. It only gets better and better. You cannot possibly envision or fathom the awesome plans and gifts God has in store for you.”
Letter to Sheri, his soul mate
“Sheri, I’m really struggling with this task — How do I include all the reasons I love you in one single letter? …
“You are the single most-important person in my life. I consider myself truly blessed to have found you. …
“When I asked myself the type of person I would want to marry and be with the rest of my life (this was scary too!), I figured out the most-important quality is someone who truly cares about other people more than themselves. Someone who made people’s lives better. Someone with compassion, love and a good sense of humor.
I knew that some of these qualities could be found in some of the people I worked with at the nursing home, and so I started observing people. I watched you from afar long before I introduced myself. I was AMAZED at how loving and caring you were with the residents. It was truly incredible. I was convinced you could show that same level of nurturing to children — and that’s the person I wanted to raise a family with.
“It is your example that I try to model my behavior after. I ask myself, ‘Can I be the support to my mom that Sheri is to her parents? Can I show my children the same love, acceptance and tolerance that my wife does? Many days, I feel I fail in these areas. But with you right beside me, I wake up the next day and there you are, doing it all again — and that makes me want to try even harder. I don’t have to look far — my example is right beside me in my house. …
I know in my heart that it is you that actually makes me a better man than I otherwise would be, and for this I thank you with all of my love.”
OCD Like Me
Jim not only wrote great letters, he followed in his father’s footsteps by embodying three other letters … O … C … D! ...
Jim sure liked his curiously strong mints. He always had a huge stack of Altoids tins — half of the tins were peppermint, half spearmint. He had a special tin that traveled with him every day. It was the perfect 50/50 mix of peppermint and spearmint. Altoids doesn’t sell the 50/50 mix. James J. Whitford Jr. created the hybrid innovation by hand — one tin, one mint at a time — during all of his spare time.
There’s a place for everything and everything has its place. Jim had special place for mail. It was somewhere on their one-foot-by-six-foot breakfast bar counter. … Oh, now I remember. It was 3 inches from the southern wall, 2 1/2 inches depth-wise from the kitchen sink and
3.62567 inches from the counter edge. Mail must be sorted in alphabetical, chronological order within 60 seconds of receipt.
Jim spent countless hours researching the local grocery store to develop a one-of-a-kind schematic detailing every product placement throughout the store. Pure brilliance! I’m sure it easily saved Sheri 17 seconds per shopping trip — until the grocery store completely revamped its floor plan shortly thereafter. Never to be beaten, in fine Whitford fashion, Jim began Phase II. He created a shopping list template with all of their regulars and favorites and each product’s current aisle placement — which now could be dynamically changed with just a few clicks — providing Sheri return from the store with the required “new aisle reconnaissance,” which by the way was more important than the groceries themselves.
Jim’s back bothered him on-and-off for decades. Trish recently recommended that he buy A back support. But Jim never bought ONE of anything. In this case, he bought FIVE back supports: one for his office, one for his home office, one for the family room … And the clincher: 2 for his bathrooms!
Jim had very specific food addictions. For instance, every poker game required two tubs of Lawson’s French Onion Dip with REAL Sour Cream. Jim accepted no substitutes — even after the Lawson’s chain closed.
En route to the annual retreat at Marblehead, Jim and Dennis always hit a megastore, where Jim purchased just the essentials from what he called “the fifth food group” … items such as a 55-gallon drum of chocolate covered-raisins and a 100-pound bag of peanut M&M’s. After buying enough junk food to fill his trusty truck, Big ’N Red, and receiving his change back from the cashier, Jim always refused to exit the check-out line until he placed each bill in perfect proper order in his George Costanza wallet.
Last but certainly not least, Jim had quite the tie collection — hundreds in fact — even a few that you might wear in public! And if even one tie was missing … or worse yet, out of order … Jim’s tie alarm would sound, the house would be in lock-down and there would be an immediate
line-up to determine who must be … fed to Mufasa, his 200-pound, slobbering Bullmastif.
.
Laughing Large
While homemade Altoids blends and precise mail placement most certainly was serious business to Jim, almost anything else was fair game to his (shall we say) slightly askew sense of humor.
Nearly 30 years ago, our brother Tim was wrestling in the AAU’s Eastern National Championships in Pennsylvania. Tim, hoping for some comfort and reassurance, called home to Jim, our family’s grappling guru. “Jim, I drew the state champ from West Virginia in the first round,” Tim told Jim, nervously. “You’ll be fine,” Jim reassured him. “No, you don’t understand, Jim. The state champion from West Virginia is a girl!” Jim paused and replied, “I said you’ll be fine. … But if you lose ... don’t come home.”
After hitting my second meeting in the program, I called Jim and said, “Man, you weren’t kidding. Alcoholism IS an equal opportunity offender. Tonight, I saw a mentally challenged man receive his five-year token. … It was really cool. It gives me hope that I can do this, too.” …
At the time, Jim just said, “Interesting.”
Months later, when I had many more reasons for hope, Jim set the record straight. … Grinning ear to ear, he said to me, “You know that man who gave you hope when he received his five-year token? Well, truth be told, I’ve been going to that meeting for years, and that man stands up and gets a new token about once a month. ”
Jim sure loved to laugh — even if he was the butt of the practical joke. When I made amends to Jim, I got honest about a caper I constantly pulled on him while he was away at college. His crazy cackle reared its beautiful head when I informed him that all of those Pringles cans filled with burnt oatmeal cookies from Mom were really my doing … That I kept stealing the chocolate chip cookies from the cans and replacing them with the cubic zirconians, the worst of the oatmeals. … Jim and I were laughing so hard we were literally in tears when he told me that he kept telling mom he hated oatmeal cookies and resented that she kept sending them anyway.
Quite a few people are still in counseling over a practical joke Jim pulled a few years ago at Marblehead. Every year, during the family’s vacation over the 4th of July, the Whitford boys would take on the girls in a swimming relay. Jim asked the brothers if they’d be open to buying U.S. Olympic swim gear for that year’s match. “What’s entailed?” I asked. “Just $40 and you’ll get goggles, a USA swim cap and a USA swim suit,” he replied. “I’m in,” I replied.
Fast forward to the day before the 4th of July relay … “I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” Jim says to me. “Only two of the four thongs came in.”
“THONGS?!?,” I replied. “What are you talking about?!?”
“The Team USA thongs. Apparently they’re out of stock on the sizes that fit Neil and me, but there isn’t much demand for thongs in yours and Tim’s sizes. We got you covered — not literally.”
Loving Large
Jim’s heart was larger than even his cackle.
He would do almost anything for anyone, regardless of the circumstances.
The fact that we needed 12 hours of wakes underscores this Great Fact. Hundreds and hundreds of recipients of Jim’s boundless love paid him tribute this week.
Hundreds of his wrestling students learned “never surrender” through his hands-on coaching.
Meanwhile, Jim taught hundreds of AAs a seemingly opposite but equally true lesson: There can be great strength in surrendering to God. Countless fellows, and their immediate and extended families — myself included — will forever tearfully and gratefully recall how Jim so freely, adeptly and lovingly guided them to a better way of living.
Equally important, Jim was the picture of humility. He never forgot where he came from. For instance, when asking our sister Kath to be in his and Sheri’s wedding, he said, “You stood by me when things were terrible; we hope you will stand by us now that things are good.”
His intense, ocean-blue eyes were the gateway to his golden heart and soul. Whenever anyone talked to Jim, they felt like they were EF Hutton talking. Jim was YOU-centered.
Jim strove to complete three random acts of kindness every day. The acts had to be stealth. No self-patting on the back or community kudos, or the good deeds didn’t count in his book.
About an hour before Jim went home to God, he pulled off one last, everlasting act of love. He called Sean, their oldest boy, at school and told him how proud he was of him and how much he loved him. Did Jim know God was calling? Not likely. This is just how he lived every day.
He was chock full of love — and he knew he couldn’t keep it unless he gave it away.
Jim gave a piece of his heart to so many in need, that eventually it just had to give out. Even so, Jim didn’t stop giving. Three people will now live because of heart valves he donated. Another received his vision. And 250+ more will live better lives thanks to his most recent good deed.
Knowing Jim, I have to believe he’s just getting started.
Living Large
Jim lived each day to the fullest. Full throttle, all the way, baby. It was all about family, fun and fellowship.
I came across a photograph a few days ago that showed Jim rocketing down a hill on a sled, carrying his family on his back, grinning ear to ear, on the ride of a lifetime … A picture is worth 1,000 words.
Seamus, Jim’s little “mini me.” … How Dad loved to play poker and watch movies with you, match minds in chess, and head to the lake for a day of fishing, tubing and skiing. Dad coached you in wrestling — and life — and now will be your forever family’s guardian angel.
Sonia ... Dad’s little princess and formidable foe in Wii boxing and Guitar Hero ... A father couldn’t be more proud of his daughter. He, too, treasured your trip to Hawaii and the time he spent boarding and building sandcastles with you. Those memories and many other great ones can never be washed away. They are engrained on your and your dad’s hearts forever and ever.
Sean … Never forget “the call” … The call Dad made just before God called Dad home. What a tremendous gift. All of us also are so very proud of you and love you beyond words.
Sheri … Jim’s best friend and soul mate … Your hard work and support at home allowed Jim to extend his service to thousands of others. You have certainly earned your wings. Know you are not alone. Not now. Not ever. Now, those families and communities will embrace you and your family in acts of service. And please take some consolation in knowing that Jim will always be just a “knee mail” — a prayer — away.
His HUGE Heart Beats On … In Us
Jim and I shared several discussions about dying the past year. His guidance was the key to me getting over fears and pains regarding death, and instead constantly communicating with God — so I could help a buddy of mine from the first grade who was battling an inoperable brain tumor.
When I shared with Jim that 42 was way too young for the father of six to be called home by God, he told me that days, months and years are how we — with our short sightedness — measure life — but that God’s infinite wisdom and wonderful plan extend well beyond that and our limited understanding.
When I replied, “OK …but it still hurts big time,” Jim said that’s natural — that Jesus himself wept at the death of his friend Lazarus.
A week after my buddy died, Jim asked me the question: “What are you going to do with all of the time you’ve been given? … Think about it, pray on it and get back to me.” At the time, I thought he was talking about the time I used to spend visiting with my buddy. But, the question seems SO much broader than that today … So, I ask each of you to join me in celebrating Jim’s life and to really contemplate, and pray about … “What are you going to do with all of the time you’ve been given?”
Forget me not for I am there,
in the beat of your heart,
on the wing of your prayer.
Forgive my parting and leaving you thus,
a joyous reunion is waiting for us.
Continue to strive toward your goal and be brave.
Know that my love won’t stop at the grave.
My spirit is with you through good times and bad.
I’ll share all the joys and sorrows you have.
Feel my presence within your next breath …
And realize there is no distance in death.
Ask for my hand and I’ll answer your call.
Reach for my hand when you stumble and fall.
Run the last mile with a smile on your face.
Always remember my love is right there,
in the beat of your heart,
on the wing of your prayer.
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